IS MONOGAMY DEAD by Rosie Wilby
Published by Accent Press Ltd. 2017
This is Wilby’s personal memoir about finding meaning in relationships. It is a captivating read, well written and well researched that shows us that what we call love with all its ups, downs, tears and laughter is experienced much the same way by gay, straight, male, female or trans people. We ache to find the other, to find that connection and we tell ourselves that this chemistry, this attraction, this bliss has to be forever.
But it often is not.
What was particularly interesting about this book, was the authors determination to examine her feelings analytically to see how much they made sense in a larger context. In this modern world of casual sex and multiple relationships, it often feels that monogamy IS dead, but Wilby asks “Is this true for everyone?” Her underlying question is, do we tell ourselves monogamy is dead because we have not achieved it?
The book is beautifully organized and takes us from Rosie’s heart rendering break up to her hopes to find a way forward from what she has learned. Each topic is investigated on a larger scale to put the author’s experience into perspective. At the end of this book, Wilby gives us an excellent reading list to further our understanding of relationships in this world we live in.
The book begins with a description of her last relationship disaster, her analysis of how it happened and why it was so upsetting to her. The questions that underlie all these chapters is: Can we ever find THE one? Can we ever stick to just one person. Is that physically possible in today’s world? Is the answer serial monogamy? Is the answer not to give damn?
Wilby doesn’t answer these questions. She tells you how she came to terms with what had happened to her and what she wanted to achieve in her life. She does not spare herself or sugarcoat her own reactions. Instead, she paints the picture we all have been in of feeling that immense attraction and then not understanding not only why it isn’t returned but why the object of our love is being such a dick about it.
I personally loved the humaneness of this book. It is so real. It is a woman who wants to find the love of her life, sifting and sorting through her own emotions and all the possibilities out there.
There is a universality to these observations. This book is anot an analysis of lesbian love, or young love, monogamous relationships or even mistaken infatuation. It is about being a human being trying to live a fulfilled life and doing what it takes to make that happen