Category Archive for: ‘Woody Weingarten’
This column is a sequel.
Call it Post-its 2.0.
Because vast hordes of folks told me they enjoyed the first one quite a while back, I’ve decided to follow up.
And I don’t think it matters that the three or four readers who bent my ear the most happen to be immediate family members.
What does count is that I have decomposing piles of judiciously composed material from which to choose.
In case you missed my original, I mentioned my iMac being ringed with “instant reminders, to-do lists and quick- or slow-witted brainstorms,” and that “the yellow stickies also sit on my desk in three piles (do-it-now, do-it-asap, and fergettaboudit!).”
And it’s kosher to plagiarize myself like that if I admit it, right?
Anyway, here’s a fresh peek into my brain — thoughts that may amuse, irritate or, in some cases, merely spotlight my personal variety of nonsense.
All got scribbled (more and more indecipherably) onto Post-its in my recent past (that, by the way, might mean several years).
- From time to time my San Anselmo home gets transformed into a zoo — a coyote in the front yard, a bobcat crouching in a tree, a turkey vulture reposing in a patio chair. No elephants or crocodiles yet, but, what the heck, I’m patient.
- With deepest apologies to Will Rogers, I never met a sacred cow I did like.
- Attitude is everything. A dying Corte Madera friend once said, “Why let myself become glum over my situation? If I get depressed, it could spoil a whole day, and I don’t know how many days I have left.”
- A guy 10 years my junior called me “kiddo” the other day in Bolinas Park in Fairfax, and it made me feel boyish.
- As my wife supervised her in San Anselmo’s Memorial Park, a little boy “picked up” my nine-year-old granddaughter. At that age, I guess, the operative line becomes “my playground or yours?”
- On life’s inequities: I intermittently have a platinum mind and a tin ear.
- A man on San Rafael’s Miracle Mile informed two sidekicks, “My pooch never gets used to time changes. She insists on pooping to her own drummer — on DST, Doggie Standard Time.”\
- Didja ever realize that unlike a computer keyboard, there’s no undo button in life?
- A bejeweled matron at the U.S. Bank’s ATM in San Anselmo was gossiping to a friend: “I ate out with Margaret yesterday. She’s always depressed. I sometimes think of our meals together as ‘mercy munches.’”
- I’d love to go back in time — to the days when customer service reps were live human beings, not recorded prompts.
- My spouse, who knows me best, claims I’m “a wind-up Woody, whirring and whirling all the time.” Wonder if her alliteration means something.
- A recent report warns that statin drugs can cause memory loss, but the data are ambiguous. Is that because the researchers couldn’t remember what they’d found?
- I’m unsure how I feel about a woman whose face and arms have become a lovely living sculpture of wrinkles, outside Jack’s Drug Store & Medical Supplies in San Anselmo, muttering, “I still find it amazing that every new pain makes me disregard my old ones.”
- Ever since I served on Marin County’s 2008-09 Civil Grand Jury, my favorite bumper sticker has been: Grand Jurors do it in secret.
- When younger, I never dreamed I’d hang with a batch of 70-year-olds someday. Well, today’s that someday.
- I have faith that the governments of San Anselmo, Marin County, Sacramento and Washington — regardless how ineffectual they get — will never be subject to a military coup d’etat — even if Donald Trump pushed for one.
- SUVs continue to be the bullies of the roadways.
- Since I pay my taxes in full, and parking tickets as well, I loathed amnesty programs that gave delinquents a big break.
- I take it for granted that as long as I’m breathing I’ll be able to put one word after another and that most of them will mostly make sense. Please tell me I’m right.
- My granddaughter doesn’t mince words: “I want it,” she says. “Wow, there are so many things in this world that I want.” I second her notion.